Bilious bowler, cramping keeper and an expensive 'keg ball'

One of your opening bowlers is in the dressing room, curled around a colicky stomach. Your wicketkeeper is up on blocks with cramp. Good thing mere moments are left in the second session. And yet, rather than trying to run down the clock, you are hustling to squeeze in another over.

The absentees return an hour later. Your 'keeper is moving about as well as C-3PO, all creaks and clacks and awkward angles. But, as he gingerly sinks to his haunches behind the stumps, he yells: "****, it's great to be back out here!" Your big fast bowler runs in for his first delivery since coming back, his eyes ringed with discomfort - which melts when the batter who has faced twice as many balls as anyone else in the innings at that point splays his back foot, angles his bat, and chops on.

That was the nub of the narrative in St Lucia on Saturday (June 19), starring - in order of their appearance above - Lungi Ngidi, Quinton de Kock, and, exiting stage left, Shai Hope. Whatever hole South Africa fell into,